Three cheers for Claudia Alta Johnson, better known as Lady Bird Johnson. She was our former First Lady, married to Lyndon B. Johnson, who was our nation’s 36^th president. Lady Bird made it her mission to beautify America. One memorable part of her effort was the removal of billboards that blotted the landscape along our nation’s highways. While we still have an abundance of billboards today, thanks in large part to her work, Congress created limits by passing the Highway Beautification Act in 1965.

I sometimes wish Lady Bird had gotten her way and all highway billboards were razed. Many a landscape is ruined by a row of crude advertisements planted 20 or more feet above ground as far as the eye can see. However, a recent trip made me re-think this opinion. Perhaps I am being too harsh, too hasty in my desire to chainsaw down all billboards. Maybe the optimal solution is a content standard that determines the right of the billboard to survive.

So, after thinking about this over a couple thousand miles criss-crossing five states, here is my proposal. (Julia hasn’t warmed up to it quite yet.) The advertiser’s message must be impactful and not just commercially (blah, blah, blah) informative. It should cause the occupant of a vehicle to think about the message and want to discuss it with his traveling companion whether she wants to talk about it or not. Points are awarded for inspirational, uplifting, or clever messages. Visually appealing graphics and design are a definite plus. Likewise, bulletins that make you think about something with a new perspective are deemed quite valuable and deserving of continued existence.

Points are also bestowed for funny displays, especially when the message is unintentionally funny. Controversial ones, without being indecent or mean-spirited are also included because they cause the vehicle’s occupants (at least ‘him’) to spend hours on the road pointlessly debating the messages. Although, a limit of one of these every 300 miles feels about right. However, billboards deemed obnoxious will be terminated with extreme prejudice. For instance, see the photo in the header above. 

Let me provide you with a few not-so-obvious examples of signboards from our recent trip that qualify for survival and not extinction:

1. I will get the controversial entry out of the way first. And trigger warning, this is about religion, so if you don’t want to be angry with me for including it, skip to #2. The billboard proclaimed: “You must love your enemies in order to be a TRUE Christian”. Now, I know I am a thoroughly imperfect Christian, but I’m not a TRUE one? Who the heck made this billboard’s creator my ultimate judge? By this standard, I suspect heaven is as sparsely populated as a Nevada town without slot machines. I will stop my rant, but this posting was good for at least 200 miles of consternation.
   
   
2. The next sign for inclusion: “Cannabis – As American As Apple Pie”. That’s it. No directions to the nearest CBD store. Just a thought-provoking message that stuck in my mind across 5 states. I beg to differ with the message though. The first written record of cannabis usage was around 2727 B.C. in China. That’s according to the Drug Enforcement Agency Museum. In case you have forgotten your U.S. history, this is a lot earlier than when Thomas Jefferson penned the Declaration of Independence.
   
   As for apple pie, the first recorded recipe comes from England in 1381, 41 centuries later than the cannabis recording. And the pie originated in the country that we revolted against to gain our independence. So, clearly the “American” label goes to apple pie. But perhaps cannabis is catching up. Depending upon the state you reside in, you may live as close to a CBD store as you do a bakery. And I suspect daily consumption may no longer favor apple pie. Cannabis seems to be getting more American by the day. This billboard also gets points for causing me to discover our very own Drug Enforcement Agency has a museum. Who knew?
   
   3. Now we come to the unintentionally funny category. Right by Interstate 70 in the small town of Greenville, Illinois appears this roadside advertisement courtesy of the local chamber of commerce: “If you lived in Greenville, IL you would be HOME now!”.

   
   This type of message is common in bedroom communities of large cities, encouraging the commuter to re-locate there instead of continuing to drive further to get home. However, I chuckled at the Greenville beckoning. First, just what town is Greenville competing against? It is over 50 miles away from St. Louis, which is the only large city in the area. And there are several other suitable bedroom towns and an abundance of land in between the two. How much further does the chamber think a lot of people are commuting to and from St. Louis?

   Maybe Vandalia, Illinois, which is roughly 20 more miles down the road. The towns are about equal in population of just under 7,000, so perhaps there’s competition between the two. But I’m not so sure this is the strongest chamber-type message to post. The billboard would actually make me consider looking for a nice place a lot closer to St. Louis.   

   My second, and bigger amusement with the sign is that it is posted directly in front of the federal prison in Greenville. You simply can’t miss this impressive looking complex behind the sign. I’m not a sign location expert but placement doesn’t seem to be ideal. Perhaps the chamber is recruiting more inmates. This may sound outlandish but consider that Vandalia is home to a state correctional facility. Maybe a better advertisement would be: “Commit a federal crime and you get to live in Greenville. State criminals have to live further out in Vandalia.”

     4. Last, but not least, here is a link with sample photos below for billboards of the past. I’m a sucker for all things Americana, so many of these would be great to view from our van windshield.